I want to talk to you about gambling, now before I begin, I think it’s important to make clear that I am not claiming to be any kind of high roller although it is precisely the notion I could be that got me into trouble.
After 3 weeks of living in a hotel in Vegas (a strange experience punctuated by grannies in sequins, the ping ping ping of slot machines and lots of tits) our friends joined us in the City of Sin. Before their arrival, we had visited many of the casinos, the strip isn’t really as big as we’d thought. There were 2 though, that we had saved visiting until our friends arrived…’The Wynn' and 'The Encore'
Now there is gambling everywhere in Vegas, Vegas is gambling. But the thing about Vegas is that the grandness of many of the casino’s exteriors is not to be found inside them. In fact most of the casinos are exactly the same inside smoky and dingy with carpet that looks like a paisley camouflage system for piss, shit and vomit. No one gives a shit about this usually coz they are pissed out their face on the 99 cents Margaritas being served in there.
I mean there are exceptions; The Bellagio, Caesar’s palace are more plush but still have a sense of tackiness about them. In fact I what am i saying,? I worship a bit of grand tackiness so am not berating those places, but, sometimes I have this urge to be glamorous and glide about in beautiful surroundings and the Wynn satisfied that urge.
Don’t get me wrong The Wynn has it’s fair share of scantily clad cheap looking girls stumbling through awkwardly in their heels, pulling down their skirts as they go but in terms of somewhere to get dressed up and go gambling this ticked all the boxes. And that is what we did…
My boyfriend told me he has set aside a good amount to gamble with and was practically bursting with excitement at the thought.
As is many a girl’s dream, mine was that I would be the glamorous girl who floated over, kissed the dice and won my man big money.
So I dressed in my piece de resistence, a Chinese dress of purple velvet with intricate hand embroidery and many, many sequins, he dressed in a tux
and along with our equally dazzling friends, we hit The Wynn. We walked into a fairy lit forest of a walkway, past couture shops into a room of vibrant red, Chinese in theme, with red chandeliers and huge butterflies adorning the walls.
First we drank delicious cocktails, they were strong, we were getting drunk….
(so drunk we'd even forgotten we'd had the moron in the glasses following us about)
The drinks in Vegas are strong, they will get you drunk, very drunk.
Alcohol impairs your judgment, makes you more likely to take risks and overly excitable about everything.
Everyone knows that. So even if you were just going out for the drink, the drink will likely make you gamble. So yes although it was just my boyfriend and I that had the strong intention of gambling, soon enough we all hit the floor and were throwing money across tables. And everyone was winning. The atmosphere was struck by some kind of fever a contagious fever of elation and euphoria(seriously…we were drunk and winning money)
I however felt as though I was the queen of the night. My boyfriend was handing me $100 bills to place on black or red and I was winning every time, I made him a grand very quickly.
‘Just living up to my name’ I thought, I am Anita Win after all. In fact I believed that I was the luckiest girl alive and that this was some kind of talent. I. Could. Not. Lose. This was further proved when my friend Jess decided to not take my advice and lost. She then believed too that I was some kind of luck guru. This was the beginning signs of us being disillusioned about the true realities of gambling.
Gambling is a game of chance and there is no way we can influence chance, no matter how hard we may try.
We ended the night on a high and our minds muddied by grand delusions of gambling prowess. We danced till our feet ached and ate till her bellies nearly popped and went to bed.
The conclusion? Gambling is a lot of fun. And yes, gambling can be a lot of fun…when you’re winning.
But even winning can have it’s ugly side. My boyfriends first night in vegas had inevitably led to a few flutters and I had been his Lady Luck that night too, that was when we discovered my supposed ‘talent’ for winning. I’d heard him say that if I won for him I’d get a cut and I was sure that’s what he had said. In retrospect I had been very drunk so he may have said something like that. Whatever was said or not the time came around when I had helped him win a nice packet and I asked for my cut, a squabble ensued until we realized that our argument was ridiculous. It hurt neither of us to be without this bonus cash because we would spend it together anyway.
We had been so high off the alcohol and gambling, we’d run away with ourselves, got catty, got greedy and selfish.
Me more so because in fact I should have said no to any cut because the winnings were from his money and it is was not as if he wouldn't treat me. The whole thing seemed to spin off the act of gambling. We were careful after that.
But then my boyfriend left and I was left alone to my own devices. I walked across the casino floor and a feeling rose in me, a careless desire to take a risk, a small one, $20. I mean for goodness sake I had won hundreds of dollars for my boyfriend. I could just have a quick play and have double what I started with, it was a joke really, why wouldn’t I do it?
So I walked over to the table, I put the $20 down on red and as the roulette wheel turned so did my stomach. Every time I’d played with my boyfriend’s money, I’d been so sure but now, now I wasn’t sure, I wasn’t sure at all and, and, and…and it landed on black. The croupier scooped up my chips and my heart sank. $20 may not be a world of money but to me it felt like I’d lost everything. I couldn’t quite come to terms with it I, had lost. Me?! But I didn’t lose, I was lucky. really lucky. I was the girl who never lost. 100% win rate… but not anymore. It seemed that maybe I only won when gambling with other people’s money? For a while after my loss I believed that this was the order of things but this notion was later scuppered when my friend Steve visited and I lost him a hundred bucks by providing him with my ‘lucky’ opinion. So I lost. I lost, I lost, I lost. And it was these words that spun round my head like an out of tune carousel as we carried on with our social engagements of the night, I soon became engulfed by this sentiment of failure, the polar opposite to my feelings of victory and elation. All night the words spun round, much like the roulette wheel that had began this very obsession. Drinks came my way and I danced a little but the my mind carried on twisting with a nagging desire. A desire to win back my loss. I mean there was no way I could lay my head down on my pillow that night a loser.
Gambling is compulsive, even more so when you’re losing.
So we returned to the hotel, our abode of the time. And as I walked through the glass door the chiming chorus of the slot machines and musty air smacked me in the face. I turned to look at Luki and she was absolutely plastered. We had just finished our renditition of ‘Vogue’ by Madonna in our taxi home. We had drowned out Madonna completely and gone into full on dance routines in our various positions in the car, holding onto roofs and banging into windows. It had been pretty envigorating and very fun. So alcohol was running through our systems and we were in high spirits again. I was tempted to hit the floor but what if I lost again? I was unsure my heart could take it. Luki turned to me…”hand me your money” she said. I am gonna win it back again!” I hesitated, “ Really? You feel lucky? You think you can do this??” her reply was very certain and brimming with confidence, “Yes, I can definitely do it”. This answer was enough because it fitted in perfectly with my idea that winning was about instinctive feelings of certainty and luck before you placed the bet and that there was more chance of victory when someone else bets with your money.
Within seconds we were at the roulette table, we had glided there as if we were a pair of blood thirsty phantoms. Life was exciting again, we were in for the kill and as the wheel turned I forced Luki to look in my eyes which was difficult as it made us want to crease up in fits of giggles but this is what I had done with my boyfriend and so this was a must-do for good luck. It began to slow and, and, and, and there it was!!! She WON for ME!! There were hugs and cheers. She put aside what we’d started with and hit again. Now putting aside your money you started with is a good idea.
If you put aside the money you started with after your first win then you cannot walk away with a loss as you are playing with the house’s money.
The wheel spun again and again she won! Then again!! I looked at the chips and couldn’t believe it, sat in front of me was a tasty little profit! And that is where it should have ended. I began to walk away and Luki’s voice rang in my ears, “Lets do more, come on”. I wasn’t sure but instead of saying no outright, I turned to her and said “are you sure? You really feel that lucky?” I looked straight at her and she boomed “Yes!” as she turned swiftly, grabbing my arm and frogmarching me to the blackjack table. And she won again! But then she lost. “I’ll get it back” she said, “I’ll get it back” she repeated adamantly. Her confidence in the matter seemed unshakeable.
All the while the Bloody Marys kept coming and as her speech began to slur more my money slowly dwindled. Soon enough the money put inside was being used to rectify the matter. I was mortified. I felt it was time take a hold of my destiny again. I was down. I blamed Luki, gambling makes you do this, blame others when in it can only be your fault because ultimately you are the one that makes the final decision!
I felt my hand burrowing into my wallet drunkenly, foolishly and in one haphazard movement I drew out more notes. Within seconds the notes were chips and I was playing now, playing for my life. I needed to resolve this problem. But it was no good, I lost and lost and lost again, I couldn’t stop. I was falling deeper and deeper and could not seem to claw myself back out. Everyone told me to stop and for a long while I didn’t listen, couldn’t listen but eventually I had to listen. I couldn’t lose anymore. I couldn’t afford to. And that was it the thrill of gambling was over for me. Luki meanwhile had managed to lift herself out of a brief dip in her own success, during this dip she had seen no issue in asking the man next to her to lend her some chips, promising she would win them back for him, she hadn’t.
Gambling will make you beg, borrow and steal for the thrill of the win.
Sooooo… I was maybe not the world’s most luckiest lady when it came to gambling, I’d had my night, as many people do. I had felt on top of the world, as any red blooded human would when on a winning streak, because there is nothing quite like winning. But I had also felt like I had hit rock bottom when my luck had run dry because there is nothing worse than losing.
I especially am a sore loser. And the feeling I had felt on my losing night and steered me clear of the gambling tables for good but ultimately I always had the wrong attitude for gambling. See, if you want to have fun gambling, you have to be ready to lose and you have to abandon yourself to fate. Because you know, in the end…
THE HOUSE ALWAYS WINS.
Anita Win
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